Actress and social activist Marlo Thomas created an enduring legacy out of a project called “Free to Be . . .You and Me.” The book and record came out in 1972 and has never been out of print. With songs and stories directed at young children, the message was simple: girls can be whatever they want, and boys can be whatever they want.
In those days, children’s literature and art work depicted boys as pilots, girls as stewardesses; boys as doctors, girls as nurses; boys don’t cry, girls do; boys have to be strong, girls are passive and weak. When Free to Be . . .You and Me came out, it was the first time both boys and girls heard a message from the popular culture challenging established gender roles.
So here we are, almost 50 years later. If Marlo and friends were to do another take on the subject, we would still be talking about gender expectations. Maybe Pete Buttigieg would sing a song about how much he enjoys kissing his husband in public. Nancy Pelosi could tell a story about how women have broken down male barriers in the Capitol. Chefs, race car drivers, builders, explorers and workers of all types could entertain the kids with stories of how they learned to be themselves and do the things they love the most.
But not all of us feel free to be ourselves. Some people still feel as if they live in the shadows, as if they are not free to be, in public, the person they feel themselves to be. That freedom which society still withholds from some of our neighbors has to do with gender.
U.S. Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal spoke to congress about learning a year ago that her child was gender non-conforming (The Guardian, 4/2/19). Once her child embraced that fact, Jayapal said, the child experienced a new freedom. For the first time, her child felt that they could get rid of society’s expectations that go something like, “the gender assigned at birth is the only true gender you can have, the only one you can claim.”
Free of that constraint, free of that need to conform, free from the need to fit the public’s stereotypes about gender, Pramila’s child felt for the first time that they were free to express themselves fully. Free to be gender non-conforming. Free to be.
For individuals caught between what society expects and what they know to be true about themselves, the constraints on expressing their gender identity also constrains “their creativity, their brilliance, their self-expression,” said Jayapal. They are being robbed of their talents, their rights to happiness and joy, and their access to the fullness of life.
Why try to define and restrict who others can be? Why put constraints on gender identity? Why would we even dream that this is something we need to do?
We need to elect people to public office who understand that they are there to protect freedom itself, in all its manifestations. Our charge now is to protect the freedom to protest, protect the free press, protect freedom of religion, protect civil liberties and protect the freedom of self-expression, including gender expression.
